did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
