Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
