its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize