This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
