I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
