I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
