So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize