I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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