It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize