life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
