I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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