he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
