Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
