Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
