I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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