I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
