I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
