thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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