It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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