6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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