Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
