the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
