look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
