I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
