Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
