why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
