I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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