butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
