why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize