Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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