just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize