If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
