dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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