forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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