Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
