Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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