so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
