whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
