Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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