bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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