dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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