WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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