I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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