***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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