I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
