he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
