I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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