I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So many bounce houses so little time
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
