thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
