uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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