I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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