He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
