I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Randomize
