i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
