he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
