You made me cry and you don't even care
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
