The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
