Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
