I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
