sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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