Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You were trust falling into bushes
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
