She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
