i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
